4/5/13

Peckers and coin tosses



Coin toss? Really?

I don't think the Nork army is to be trifled with:

The Conventional Military Balance on the Korean Peninsula

An excerpt:

Nonetheless, despite shortages of spare parts, fuel and training time, North Korea’s conventional capabilities pose a significant threat to allied forces and South Korea’s population. For example, North Korea’s artillery capability does not require sophisticated tactics nor modes of operation to pose a threat to Seoul. In any conflict, North Korean artillery, firing from fortified positions near the DMZ, could initially deliver a heavy bombardment on the South Korean capital. Allied counter-battery fire and air strikes would eventually reduce North Korea’s artillery capability, but not before significant damage and high casualties had been inflicted on Seoul. Similarly, the North Korean air force could launch surprise attacks against military and civilian targets throughout South Korea before allied air superiority was established. The potential delivery of chemical or biological weapons by artillery, short-range missiles and aerial bombs is an additional threat – especially to unprotected civilians. 

NORK military, reserves, and paramilitary forces present a ratio of 387 such forces per 1000 of their population. The level of discipline in the NORK armed forces and general population is downright Spartan in its intensity.

The US presents a ratio of 7 per 1000. But we do watch a lot of really great reality shows ...

The population's mindset over there is totally different. The midget is kind of cute when he starts posturing and spewing ... but if the balloon goes up, blood is going to run in rivers on both sides.

Taking on the Norks wouldn't quite be the same as kicking a bunch of dumbass ragheads to the curb.  Yeah, I know 'ragheads' is considered offensive, but work with me on it. I'm playing the saber-rattling, hand-over-heart, all-American super-patriot here.

And even said ragheads weren't all that much of a piece of cake. People think the casualty list from the Bush-Obama wars is high? In modern day replay of "Heartbreak Ridge," you can figure that number for the first day, and not even add in the civilian body count.

I'm starting to hear all that Gulf of Tonkin rhetoric again. What was it LBJ said he was going to do about Ho? "Ah'm a-gonna cut his pecker off ..." or something like that? Yep. He really did. Here are two references to that:

The Folly of War: American Foreign Policy 1898-2005

Out of Weakness: Healing the wounds that drive us to war

and then there was his questionable move of flopping his wang out as a demonstration of the main reason why Ho would never win. Johnson's Johnson was bigger. So there. That per Arthur Goldberg.

Yep. Johnson really did that.

It played very well with the saber-rattlers. Very studly.

I really can't wait for The Big O to start making jokes about black guys having bigger dicks than Nork midgets.

That's the signal that it's time to lock our sons and daughters, our grandkids, in the cellar so as to keep all the flag-wavers from offering them up as human sacrifices to the Great God of "Patriotism."

In World War II, the Japanese were considered to be incompetent buck-toothed Orientals. The island campaigns of the Pacific taught us a different lesson. In Korea, the 'gooks' weren't a real threat, until 25 June 1950 presented a somewhat different perspective. But then, we had MacArthur and the landing at Inchon, and by God we showed them then, didn't we? All the way to the  Yalu, and then the 'chinks' came in ... and there we are today ... with sixty years worth of corpses littering the landscape like so much organic fertilizer.

I'd rather all the all-American super-patriots zipped their pants and put the testosterone supplements back on the shelf. If we're going to get into it with the Norks, let's do it for better reasons than whose Johnson is bigger. Set the middle-school bluster aside. Let's not use all those cool football analogies. We aren't talking about a sports event with lot of award-winning commercials, and hot babes in wet t-shirts having orgasms on hotter cars while sensuously slurping down The Best Carl's Jr Has To Offer. We're talking about blood running in rivers, and the destruction of at least two nations. Again.

I'd rather they kept it nice and clean. Like, you know ... find a SEAL team that isn't too busy with book and movie deals and send 'em in to quietly cut the midget's throat. Or maybe cut his pecker off?