"... a chump motherfucker and a piece of shit at best ..."

Our citizen activists, who have been collecting signatures in an effort to force city council to repeal the recently passed ordinance regarding head shops within the city limits, are in a bit of a tizzy over on Facebook, and possibly in other venues as well. Certainly, it's typical of the Pinche Cabrones mindset we see with these people.

It seems that they failed to comply with state law in their filing of the petition and signatures. Therefore, the petition and the signatures were rejected.

This has led to the usual irrational rhetoric we have come to expect from this collection of civic-minded residents of The Smile Hi.

For example, we have a person purporting to be Joe Carson, Jr, over on Facebook, coming somewhat unhinged over the rejection, and commenting on City Attorney Phil Malouff's role: "... Phil Malouff is a chump motherfucker and a piece of shit at best ...".

Does Mr. Carson's view represent the view of others associated with this 'movement?' It would appear so, for there is no objection to the comment, and in fact, others seem to be of the same mindset.

Rather than simply admit to screwing the pooch, so to speak, by failing to comply with the state law in this matter ... they blame city council and other city officials for their own failing.

For example, a person purporting to be Janice Lusk-Huff seems to indicate the existence of some sort of conspiracy between Malouff and our current mayor: "I definitely feel you [Klob] were set up from the get go, and that they had this brewing while you were gathering signatures, knowing that this is where you might fail."

Huh. Well, at least Lusk-Huff acknowledges that Klob failed ... but it was the fault of co-conspirators Malouff and Rizzuto. That's some interesting reasoning.

But we are not to worry in future, for when Mike Moreno is elected mayor in the upcoming election, apparently we won't have to worry about such trivialities as complying with the law. As a person purporting to be Deanna Salas states: "When Mr. Moreno is elected mayor this shit will not be happening to us LJ citizens."

Is that right, Mr. Moreno? LJ residents will not have to be concerned about elected officials complying with the law under your administration? Or will legal compliance be a pick-and-choose operation, based on who you are and who you know?

"Beth Klob Everything had to be done exactly as specified because it is CO election law ... BUT ...... this is a small town....Jan Schooley and Phil Malouff have known Tim since he was a small child. If these petitions had been to get either of them a pay raise do you think they'd be thrown out for lack of a staple or would one of them call Tim with instructions on how to fix it?"

It's the law BUT ...  and then, our purported Beth Klob goes on to presume the likelihood of criminal behavior - another conspiracy - between Schooley and Malouff. Is this really the quality of thinking we have in the mayoral candidate's followers?

Then we have someone purporting to be Bob Gleason, who is apparently 60-ish going on 12, commenting:

"Hey Tim, I am still with you. I grew up in the sixties, we get blamed for everything, when in reality we changed the world. They may have won the battle but they haven't won the WAR. Let's regroup & organize and with [sic] the WAR. Besides, if it isn't challenging it's not fun. Bring on the FUN BABY."

I pawed around in my old footlocker, looking for my old rose-colored granny glasses, a tie-died t-shirt, bell-bottomed flower trousers, and my Cheech and Chong headband. Alas, all I found was an old jungle fatigue shirt with "Không bắn tôi biết nhiều bí mật!" on the back of it. Say, Bob, I rather doubt that you changed much of the world while sitting on your ass on a train somewhere, but if it makes you feel righteous to make that claim, have at it. I have to wonder, though ... who you are going to WAR with. Citizens who oppose you? Elected officials? Well ... maybe I should break out my old SDS t-shirt and regress back into my childhood as well. That seems to be what it takes to be a 'leader' in The Smile Hi these days.

I suppose there will be quite the crowd at council meeting Tuesday evening. I wonder, though, if any of these shit-talkers will have the balls to call Malouff a 'motherfucker' or 'piece of shit' to his face. Or accuse the mayor of participating in a criminal conspiracy to interfere with a political petition process. Or insult Ms. Schooley by wondering about her potential for engaging in criminal activity?

Nah ... that would take some balls. There's lots of mouth with this crowd, but no balls. No manners, either, but that's another story.

Maybe they'll just toke themselves into a stupor and miss the council meeting altogether.


A new revenue source

We were taking a break from overhauling the basement bathroom, and were relaxing over at the Holy Land Quickee's. I slurped noisily at my diet Dr. Pepper, earning a bit of a glare from my rather fastidious Accomplice in Life.

"Why must you do that?" Leece asked, that raised eyebrow telling me that I had struck a nerve.

"I don't have to do that," I replied, "all I have to do is stay white and die. I slurp because I can. Because it makes your eyebrow do that funny twitchy thing."

"Humph!" she snorted, turning her attention to a rather succulent Juan Diego burrito.

"Hey! Hey!"

"Oh boy ...". That last from Leece, as DinkyDau Billy plunked himself down on the bench next to her. He too had a diet Dr. Pepper, the gallon size from the look of it. He isn't a straw user. He slurped at his icy drink like a pack of bloodhounds coming in from chasing the Hound of the Baskerville over hill and dale. Leece cringed. I thought maybe she was going to crawl under the table.

"Hey! Hey! I gots a new source a revenoo for the gummint!" Billy exclaimed, in his usual excited manner.

"Really? And you like that?" Leece asked.

"Yeah! Yeah! Like, we could use this munny for, like, you know ... tourism development!" Billy enthusiastically effused.

"What money?" Leece asked.

"Dope munny! From dopers!"

"Huh? That from me.

"Yeah! Yeah! City council should vote to approve some head shops in the Smile Hi's Turn a the Century downtown shoppin' district! Then they could tax the sales a dope to dopers! They could make thousands! Maybe even more! Colerader Springs estimates they'd pull in $3.9 million!" Billy was already counting shekels. Billy doesn't mind taxing other people. Billy is a Democrat.

"But didn't they vote against marijuana sales outlets?" Leece asked.

"Yeah! Yeah! But that's them! We gots a diff'rent sitcheration here! We gots tourism that ain't gonna mind a little dope! Think a all them bird-watchers tokin' away in them blinds out on all them ranches what's hosting all them birders. They tend t'be left-wingers, don't they?"

Left-winged bird-watchers. Billy missed that one completely.

"Uh ... I dunno," I answered, "but I'm beginning to see your point. I'm not so sure the cyclists that are being attracted in droves to the area would be that enthusiastic ..." ...

"Yeah! Yeah!" Billy interrupted, still excitedly, "they tend ta like them performance enhancin' dopes, not weed ..." ...

"BILLY!" This from Leece.

"Uh ... yeah?"

"Quit interrupting. You're worse at that than Tookie. Besides, I think it's only professional cyclists that go for those exotics. You know, like Lance Armstrong."

"Uh ... yeah."

"He has a point, you know," I observed, "we could perhaps appeal to bikers. Steal the thunder from Sturgis. We could have fifty thousand bikers here for a long weekend, if we had cheap beer and cheaper dope."

"Yeah! Yeah! And ... and ... we could get Cheech and Chong to be our tourism mascots, like! They could visit, and do dustjacket signings of 'Up in Smoke' down at The Lighthouse an'  The Barista and at Chamber of Commerce Business After Hours events!" Billy was on a roll.

"Hmmmm ... I'm visualizing Cheech dressed up in one of those really cool SoCal pimp suits like he used to wear on 'Nash Bridges,' leading the Early Settlers' Day parade in that yellow Barracuda ..." I ruminated thoughtfully.

"Yeah! Yeah! An' ... an' ... we could have posters of 'em welcoming visitors, out by them 'Welcome to the Junction' signs!"

"Billy, I think you may have stumbled on to the salvation of The Smile Hi's economy," Leece told our excited stalwart, "You may even receive a Sunshine Award for this!"

"Aw ... I awreddy gots one a them, from back in the nineties. I think they done forgot about it, though."

"Well ... perhaps you should run for mayor, then."