According to Graham Godly Enterprises, LLC, God has scheduled a VLCME (Very Large Coronal Mass Ejection), which will outflow from the sun and engulf the earth in a maelstrom of cosmic rays, x-rays, hotter-than-the-fahrs-a-hail coronal gases, and just plain fire and brimstone.
"God's had enough of this crap," said Chuck Spurgeon, spokesperson for GGE LLC. "It was the repeal of the North Carolina bathroom law that sent Him over the edge," Spurgeon continued, "that, and He still isn't over Obama banning Christmas in the US military. He has always seen the American armed forces as his own 'Christian soldiers," Spurgeon noted,"but this bathroom thing was the last straw."
Although the time and date of the fiery smiting and destruction of billions of living creatures has not been announced, God has reportedly reassured the governing board of GGE LLC that "I love you guys!"
Reports of smug 'Screw you buddy, I got mine!' attitudes on the part of some board members are greatly overblown, insisted Spurgeon, who was packing a travel kit in anticipation of being raptured,"but you know, it isn't our fault that God's on our side."
Whenever the evangelicals like the Grahams and their brethren come out with a new load of theological puke, I think of Deuteronomy 31:6.
Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you.”